QUOTES
~TEGEL.FIL~
QUOTES

Here are some of Greg's favourite quotes:

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way
to get out.
(George Jean Nathan)

Reality is for people who can't cope with drugs.
(Graffiti)

It's lonely in the saddle since the horse died.
(Graffiti)                                        ~FALCON.BLK~

Mustard's no good without roast beef.
(Chico Marx)

Avoid hangovers - stay drunk.
(Graffiti)

The only thing that can stop hair falling is the floor.
(Will Rogers)

When I feel a desire to work I sit quietly in a corner and wait until
the feeling passes.
(Graffiti)

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding
he sings.
(Ed Gardner)

Television is for appearing on, not looking at.
(Noel Coward)

When you're as great as I am, it's hard to be humble.
(Muhammad Ali)

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
(H. R. Haldeman)

My brain is my second favourite organ.
(Woody Allen)

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years
running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
(Les Dawson)

Why should the army have all the fun? Weapons for everyone!
(Graffiti)

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
(Dean Martin)

Eat cow dung. Ten billion flies can't be wrong.
(Graffiti)

Beethoven was so deaf that he thought he was a painter.
(Graffiti)

Prevent accidents on the roads - Drive on the pavement.
(Graffiti)

Some folk seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than
others.
(Frank McKinney Hubbard)

Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first
prize in the lottery of life.
(Cecil Rhodes)

London is full of fogs - and serious people. Whether the fogs produce
the serious people or whether the serious people produce fogs, I don't
know.
(Oscar Wilde)

Tell me who you are and I'll tell you who you are.
(Leslie Halay)

Americans are fighting to express themselves in a language they've
never properly learned.
(Nancy Mitford)

You can always tell when he's lying - his lips move.
(Frankie Howard)

No, I didn't study anything at school. They studied me.
(Woody Allen)

Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of
people. I said I would rather live on in my apartment.
(Woody Allen)

There's no question that the Woody Allen character that appears on the
screen is a Greek god version of what he is like in real life.
(John Cleese)

If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes.
(Robert Redford)

I have eyes like those of a dead pig.
(Marlon Brando)

My best feature is my smile. And smiles - praise heaven - don't get
fat.
(Jack Nicholson)

A raisin is a worried looking grape.
(Unknown)

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.
(H. Allen Smith)

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
(Roseanne Barr)

I want to tell a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked a
girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.
(Woody Allen)

My classmates have all gotten so fat and bald they didn't even
recognize me.
(Benett Cerf)

Bachelor - a man, who never makes the same mistake once.
(Ed Wynn)

The books I haven't written are better than the books other people
have.
(Cyril Connolly)

There are no women composers, never have been and possibly never
will be.
(Sir Thomas Beecham)

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
(Groucho Marx)

Question: What book would you most like to have with you on a desert
          island?
G. K. Chesterton: "Thomas's Guide to Practical Shipmaking".

~BLEU.PAL~